The week leading to my second appointment passed in something of a blur. The events of my first visit played in my head on repeat. Over and over, I recalled the sensation of restraints against my body, the humiliation of being spread open, and the calm, practiced way in which Dr Fairbridge had wrenched my orgasm from me.

Truthfully, I didn't know how to feel about it. The appointment had been the most torturous and overwhelming experience of my life. Dr Fairbridge's assessment of her handling of me as "relatively gentle" filled me with apprehension for what was to come. And yet, when I thought about all that had been done to me, I felt some of the same strange excitement I had felt on that day. I had even attempted to masturbate on several occasions, unsuccessfully of course. Without the mysterious cream they had used on me, or maybe without the overwhelming level of stimulation I had received, my body, as ever, refused to respond. And so it was with mixed feelings that I returned to the Fairbridge Clinic.